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11/11/2005

 

i've decided to become a liberal



so i've decided to become a liberal. as i see it, it offers many distinct advantages over my present lifestyle.

1. first and foremost is the death of truth. at the end of the day, issues like right and wrong, faith and spirituality, and other great questions of our day are entirely up to me. rather than being obligated by reason to believe in something i find distasteful, i am free to select whichever religion/standard of justice/view on a particular issue makes me feel best--and, what's more, i'm under no obligation to be consistent. indeed, consistency, as any decent lib will tell you, is the "hobgoblin of small minds." the more i vacillate, the smarter i am.

2. second, and this is the most direct consequence of number 1, is that i would then be free to pursue a life of unabashed hedonism. i would do this by telling myself that i would draw the line at hurting others, but, as AIDS, unwed mothers, drug and alcohol addiction, and a million other societal ills readily attest, such is, in fact, an impossibility. that said, my friends, who would all be liberals themselves since liberals shun intellectual diversity like leprosy, would never criticize me. liberalism isn't about results, ergo, it doesn't really matter who i hurt. what matters is that i maintain the proper attitude while hurting others. i may not be a hypocrite, and i may not make anyone else feel bad about how they are hurting others. other than that, i can go nuts. get married five times to five women and sire five children to all of them--hey, the kids will be better off without all the constant bickering, right? that sort of thing.

3. closely related to number 2 is the sudden boost in popularity that would inevitably follow, as i will now be aligning myself with all of popular culture. whether it's MTV or commander in chief, the common thread of liberalism runs through all. the attitudes and values espoused by nearly everyone else around me will now be my own. when i am in a group with several colleagues and one of them starts making fun of Christianity or the president or the state of kentucky, i can laugh along with everyone else.

4. popularity is the admiration of others, but i think that i will be able to do a lot more admiring myself. i'll be able to pick up a major newspaper or turn on a network news broadcast at random and know that i am going to agree with everything i see. nothing will challenge me, nothing will cause me to become upset--at least, the stuff that will upset me will be things like the destruction of the rainforest. it will be something that's further confirming my worldview as it's upsetting me. i can watch the oscars and actually enjoy the acceptance speeches. when barbara streisand opens her mouth, i'll enjoy what comes out of it (singing aside, i mean.) i can listen to this american life or watch nightline and not want to throttle someone. whereas meaningless multiculturalisms like "happy holidays" used to make me want to puke, they'll now fill me with an urge to...have a happy...something. but it'll be good, of that i'm sure.

5. i can be lazy. i can be indigent. i can be a victim. i'll no longer have to take personal responsibility for anything anymore--indeed, my liberal politicians will actively discourage me from doing so. if i have a need, no longer will i need to go out and work to fill it, i'll just cry about it until someone fills if for me. i'll sleep until noon, buy steaks and tacos with my food stamps, maybe buy a quad or a dirt bike. who knows?

i'll no longer have to fight against the rising of the tide. i'll no longer have to weep at the gathering gloom. whereas i now think everything is getting worse, i'll then think everything is getting better. in short, i will let go of every ounce of character, independence, self-reliance, discipline, devotion, integrity, intelligence, and principle i have and be just like george soros. well, sans billions anyway.

then again, maybe locdog could remain a ruthless capitalist bastard long enough to make a bit more scratch, then go for the conversion--you know, just like soros




11/09/2005

 

not a good day to be a republican



but at least france is burning to the ground.

i find that so damned gratifying that i'm really quite ashamed of myself.

possible outcomes:

1. the french wise up, deport the imam ringleaders, shot rioters on site, and block future muslim immigration.

2. they bend over backwards to capitulate, thus sparking an endless cycle of extortion.

3. they cede france, pack up, and move to spain.

my money's on 2, but 3 is a solid dark horse.

i'm not sure what's more fun, watching allah's chickens coming home to roost or watching the american left squirm in reaction.

best reaction thus far: IOZ's presumably meth-induced take, wherein he argues that the most appropriate response to decades of government-afforded jobs and housing is to burn down one's community. 35% unemployment would make me want to riot too, i suppose, but then, when the government-sponsored-jobs-protected-by-trade-barriers approach is what got france into this mess in the first place, it's hard to imagine what more the government could be expected to give them. what they should give them, after the tear gas and bullets, i mean, is a pink slip and a tax break. put another way, they should give them the opportunity to start their own lives.

and let's not get too swept up in the revolutionary spirit, comrade. these aren't a bunch of trotsky's we're talking about here. we're talking about the arab street, homes. the most brutish, ignorant, and cruel place on earth. it's usually kept in check by the thugocracies that produced it in the first place (see hussein, saddam) but when it gets a taste of western liberty things can get a little messy (see iraq.)

why are the islamists revolting? because the frog-wannabes haven't had a bath in weeks buh dum bum. but seriously folks, is there any other way to behave?

someone spits on a koran? we riot. someone calls God by a different name? we riot. someone fails to provide us with our politically correct kosher diets? we riot. someone applies a filthy jewish word like "kosher" to our diet? we riot.

i know, i know. i'm a racist. yeah. sure. whatever.

here's the problem, chief. it's not about race. it's about islam. it's about a belief system that has warped the minds of men to the point where they can reliably be counted upon to act like monsters at the slightest provocation (e.g. osama) and where most of the ones who aren't monsters themselves cheer on those who are (e.g. our good friend the arab street.)

france has had a checkered history when it comes to islam, of course. algiers and what have you. but since then they've thrown open their borders and done their best to provide their guests with good old fashioned european socialism. among leading western powers, one could not name a nation more willing to traffic with unsavory arab governments or ready to defend the same from just reprisals. how perfectly fitting that islam, a philosophy that cannot be bought, cannot be reasoned with, cannot be sated by anything less than total surrender, has now set it's sights on france.

and anyway, locdog could care less who governs virginia